It's officially setting in - the tiredness, I mean. On the nights when Alex is up twice or three times, I do okay. Lately, it's three to four times, and compounding the issue is that since Ashton gave up his paci, he wakes up really early (between 5:30 and 6:30 am) and doesn't really know what to do with himself so he just yells for us. (One thing I really miss about the paci is it kept him quiet. It seems that in getting rid of it we have traded one problem for another! And now that he's in his big boy bed, when he wakes, there's no confining him like with his crib...) Anyway, after being up with Alex several times and then dragging myself into Ashton's room at 6 am because he's wide awake, well...it hurts. I've been back to work full time for the past few weeks and it is hands down the craziest time of year. Like, so busy that I get text messages and don't even read them until hours later. What is that? The good news is that I've hired some work study students and will be working from home on Tuesday mornings and Thursday afternoons, but really, there are just no breaks. I'm officially tired. Oh, this feeling is nothing new to parents everywhere, but I'm still using this platform to complain about it haha. Coffee doesn't even help. It's like in the movie Armageddon with the asteroid. They are all sitting around brainstorming solutions for the impending doom and Billy Bob Thornton's line is something like: "You could fire every nuke you've got at her and she'll just smile at you and keep on coming." The nuke is the coffee and the tiredness, that's the asteroid. You get it.
So which is harder, being exhausted at home or being exhausted at work? There are pros and cons to both. Until today, I could have said that at least at work I'm getting paid to be there. But then, about three hours ago, I finally, finally got paid for being exhausted at home. We had just gotten back from a bike ride around the neighborhood (bike ride because Ashton's beloved scooter was taken :( I am heartbroken over it and need to get him a new one ASAP). Ashton was sitting on the counter leaning over the sink while I helped wash his hands before dinner. He said, "Mommy, I love you." Out of nowhere, which has never, ever, ever, EVER happened before. Shocked, I said, "Oh that's so nice! I love you too!" and then he said, "Yeah. I love you soooo much Mommy."
When I tell you I have waited three years, one month, and one week to hear that, I would not be lying. I basked in this wonderful "payment" for about 12 minutes, when Ashton decided he wanted a "gwilled cheese sammich" for dinner instead of the pasta I had made, I said no, and it turned into a knock-down, drag-out affair. Nothing lasts forever, as they say. As I type this though, I am heartened by the fact that we've tackled two of the big three goals since Ashton's birthday: bye-bye paci and move from the crib to the big boy bed. Potty training is next and then he'll practically be a grown up.
So overall, we've come a long way. But all that change is tiring! And it's been surprising to me that I've resisted the change almost as much as Ashton has. Due to a fear of getting even less sleep, I think. We've had such a solid routine in so many ways and getting through these important milestones hasn't been easy. I need my own sticker chart. Ashton shouldn't be the only one who gets one. I want a sticker too dammit.
And then there's Alex. Besides being up during the night more times than I would prefer, he is the light of my life. Babies are so easy to love. They smile their gummy smiles and all is right in the world. Alex's face isn't even big enough to hold his happiness sometimes. His cheeks stretch as far as they can go and I can tell his smile would be even wider if his face would permit it. So I don't even care that I have to pump on average three times a day so he has bottles for when I'm at work (he drinks at least 6 ounces 3 times between 8:30 and 4:30, but who's counting). Some days I have to run home with milk on my lunch break but he is worth every drop. I always worry if there is enough in the fridge, what my back up plan would be, where I can fit in an extra pumping session if I have to. We just started solids too (I use that term loosely - they are purees. Ha ha, get it? Loose solids = purees?) and I want to make them myself vs. buying them, if time would ever let me. All this is to say, Alex doesn't exactly prevent the asteroid from coming either. Even though he's cute.
Between the two boys is my neverending to-do list. We have a "one step forward, two steps back" kind of relationship. Last year, I blogged about my one year anniversary as a working mom. Most of that post is still true! Including the fact that I celebrated my two year anniversary last week with another flash mob. It was a bit lackluster :( We first performed on Thursday in the usual spot up by the library, but had so many problems with the music skipping that the dance turned into a hot mess. It was so bad it was funny. They gave us another chance to perform the next day at the activities fair (which is the video), but it wasn't the same. Plus I wasn't crazy about the song to begin with. But I'm liking the tradition and the main reason I do it is because it is so outside my box. I am not a dancer.
Where am I going with this post? I can't be certain because my brain is shutting down. That asteroid is fast approaching, so I'm going to get my pajamas on.
p.s. Ashton weighs 38 pounds and is 40.25 inches tall. We finally had his 3 year pedi appointment, and for lack of anywhere else to stick this information, I'm sticking it here. Good night!
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