I started at Bentley on September 4, 2012, which made yesterday my one year anniversary! For nearly half of Ashton's life, I have been a working mom. Gosh, not hard labor or anything, just general office stuff ;) There are a lot of things I love and a lot of things I don't, and I thought it would be good for the blog (and good for me) to reflect on the past 12 months.
Things I like
1) Getting up, dressed and out in the morning. Jason has the "morning shift" and is responsible for Ashton's breakfast and drop-off at either Chera's or Christine's (his new home daycare two days a week). I like having a specific start to each day.
2) My commute. It's a blissful 2.1 miles and often my only alone time. Oh, and I drive. After years of riding the bus and the T to get downtown and their unspeakable horrors (I often thought about writing a collection of short stories about my encounters on public transportation) being in my car is a luxury every time.
3) The first minutes of my work day: drinking coffee, reading the news, catching up on Facebook, etc. in peace and in front of a real computer vs. on my iPhone.
4) Being connected to a calendar and having my weeks structured a lot like most peoples'. This includes looking forward to vacations and feeling like I've earned my time "off" (rather, when I go from being a full time employee to being a full time picker upper/laundry washer/lunch packer/diaper changer/what have you).
5) Lunch breaks - these hours are far too valuable to waste eating. I get all my errands done: I can run to the drycleaner, the bank, the drug store, the post office, get gas or even head to TJ Maxx for a little while. The other day I went grocery shopping and then home to unload everything, watered the plants, picked up some toys, paid a bill, made a sandwich and was back at work within 60 minutes. Boom! In the beginning, I thought I'd be asking Chera if I could come have lunch with Ashton but quickly decided that would be too hard on me and on him. Now I love getting errands done that I'd otherwise have to do after work with him in tow - time we currently use for walking to the park and playing with toys.
6) Ashton experiences a world outside of me. Three days a week he is with one of my best friends and Owen is his 2.9 year old hero - like a brother, really. And two days a week he is in a home daycare with 5 or 6 other kids his age and learning how to be a part of a group, follow directions, and become more independent.
Things I don't like
1) Feeling like less of a mom. I can't devote all my time to Pinterest art projects or sensory games. 5 days a week, all we have is between 4:45 pm - 8 pm. And you can't really count from 6:30 pm on because I'm making Ashton's dinner, he's eating, and then we do bathtime, storytime, etc and then bed. Is this enough? Who's to say. But I do make it count and really try to "unplug" during this time - most people know that between 6-8 pm especially is a dead zone to try and reach me :)
2) Feeling like I am always racing. Refer to #5 above. I race everywhere, to work, from work, on errands...whether or not I have Ashton with me. If I don't have him, I'm pressed for time because I'm usually on my lunch break or on borrowed time with whoever is watching him. If I do have him, I race because he hates to shop and I'd rather be somewhere where he can run and play. It's really, really stressful.
3) I don't like that I like to go to work. Honestly, it's easier! Being chased by a whining, persistent toddler who wants yet another cracker, picking up toys, wiping spills, etc....moms that stay home deserve gold stars. It's funny, I was recently at a work retreat and we were all at lunch together. I was sitting next to another mom who had a 6-month-old and just finished her maternity leave. I mentioned that I was lucky enough to take a year off myself before starting at Bentley. Some younger women across the table said, "Wow, you were home for a year?? Like, what did you do? What's it like to just, not work?" The other mom and I laughed - how could we possibly explain? "Oh, you work!" Is what we said. But they thought exactly what I used to about maternity leave: all that time off! There must be vacations! Parties! Relaxation! Shopping! Ummm, no. No, no, no, no...no. Maternity leave is not about you! But anyway I will just never forget that innocent question :) The point is, staying home full-time has many challenges - I have challenges at work too but they seem easier to conquer.
4) Hearing other people tell you things about your own child - new milestones, funny observations, suggestions about what they might like. Don't get me wrong, I live for these things and am grateful for every last ounce of information about Ashton's day - I soak in every word and am lucky that I have such great care for him. But it's very, very hard to think someone else might know your kid better than you do in some ways. Last week I picked Ashton up from Chera's and noticed a picture of Jason and I on the floor. Chera said he was walking around asking about mommy and daddy and she said, "I ended up printing the picture and I show it to him when he says your name and it seems to help."
Words cannot even describe that. Searing pain in my heart. You never get over what you are missing by not being there.
5) That there really is no good choice for the average young mothers these days. Oh, how I could turn this topic into a completely separate post! My guess is we fall into one of three categories: 1) we can't afford to stay home with our children, 2) we don't want to have to give up where we have gotten in our careers or sacrifice our professional selves to stay home or 3) the cost of childcare is so high that it would eat up almost every dollar we made if we did work so we stay home and the income responsibility falls on the husband, however great or small. In my case, I went back to work because we really wanted to move out of our condo and get a house. We couldn't afford it without another salary besides Jason's. Bentley has been the perfect place for me but you know what they say...the grass is always greener and I do sometimes wish I was able to stay home like I did the first year. Sometimes ;)
So as I said, yesterday was my one year anniversary at Bentley and what did I do to celebrate? I performed in the staff flash mob! This has become a Bentley tradition during the first week of classes and a couple months ago when the email went out to sign up to participate, I almost deleted it. Then I thought, you know what, I have never done anything like this and sometimes we need to get out of our comfort zones! I clicked reply and said, "Count me in!" Here is the result :) I'm on the left hand side and come in around the 26 second mark (during some rough slide moves haha). The camera pans all around but I'm in a black dress and my blond hair is down. I'm so proud and had a huge smile on my face the whole time! It's been a great year :)
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