Truths

So we've been plugging along in our little routine for several months now. Ashton has his naps, his bedtime, his bottles, his meals, and we manage to do a little of this and a little of that in between. Reflecting on the past year, I am absolutely, one hundred percent a living, breathing, motherhood cliche. It's really no wonder that women bond over the good, the bad and the ugly that children bring. In any event, here is my personal list of motherhood truths after a year in the trenches. 

1) Sleep can only be truly appreciated when you aren't getting any. Night.after.night.after.night. C'mon, this had to be first! Sleep, or lack thereof, is like the ubiquitous new parent joke. Ah, if only it was funny.

2) Fact: our water consumption has increased more than 400%. I know this because bills do not lie. I won't be surprised if I go downstairs one of these days and the washing machine has up and left. Just gone, perhaps to a beach in Mexico to retire.

3) Moms like to buy in bulk. It's a survival mechanism really. Moms also like Target. A lot. 

4) Personal hygiene takes a back seat. I do sometimes forget to brush my teeth. Um, or shower. And my poor hair has seen nothing but the insides of a ponytail since Ashton was born. Shockingly, this hasn't changed in a year.

5) I'd rather buy something for Ashton than for myself. It's quite sad, I spend more time in the baby section at TJ Maxx than my once-beloved shoe aisle. What do I personally need to shop for? If I buy a new shirt, it's either going to be (a) immediately stained or (b) banished to a drawer so it doesn't suffer the fate of (a). New clothes shouldn't live like that, so I leave them for better owners.

6) Sometimes, with no explanation, things are just sticky. Or wet. Or both.

7) In my next house, I'd like my kitchen sink to have a window in front of it. That design idea must have been thought up by a mom because honestly, I spend more time there than anywhere else: washing, wiping, more washing, drying...it would be nice to have a view. 

8) Stale cheerios are still cheerios and quite snack-eligible. Babies don't know the difference. And while I'm on food, besides the leftover squishiness from pregnancy (yes thank you I'm aware it's been a year, but it's still there) are the pesky pounds that have lately resulted from a very particular kind of perfect storm. Weather front A: the end of breastfeeding, which burned a nice 500 calories a day without me having to do a thing. Weather front B: Now that Ashton's meals are so important, and wanting to expose him to all kinds of foods, I really try to cook things. Meatballs, chicken and turkey burgers, salmon, pasta and sauce, fresh steamed veggies with melted cheese...Of course, he eats none of this and prefers watermelon to pretty much everything so I end up having most of it myself, plus my regular meals. I put so much effort in that I don't want it to go to waste! But without my "freebie 500" to balance it out...alas, it does go to waist. (Terrible joke, was that a pun? Sorry about that, haha.) But it's a valid point! Moms eat their kids' stuff and a little bit of extra fatness results. 

9) You miss your friends. But you make new ones in other new moms, and appreciate them equally. 

10) Teething deserves its reputation. It's really that bad, practically a horror movie with all the drooling and the whining.

11) You think that everything your child does is amazing and can't stop taking pictures. Despite knowing deep in your heart that almost no one cares about Ashton's newfound ability to bring you clumps of dried grass from the yard, you still manage to mention it on your blog. 

12) In my diaper bag right this minute are not one, not two, not three, but FOUR kinds of wipes: diaper, boogie, facial, and antibacterial, and they actually all get used. The diaper ones are self-explanatory. Boogie wipes have saline and are grape flavored and gentle, used on stuffed up noses. Facial wipes are safe for mouths and pacifiers, and the antibacterial ones are the closest thing I have to weaponry.

13) Wine has never tasted so good. It's my favorite four-letter word.

14) Baby steps really are little. These things are like an inch at a time, and they are the cutest inch you've ever seen.

15) I happened to be sweeping the other day when Katie called. Jason was within earshot when I answered so I waited for the usual, "So what's up? What's going on?" and then said loudly, "Oh you know, JUST A MODERN DAY CINDERELLA AROUND HERE." I am always cleaning up. Always. You'd think I was bad at it too because you can't even tell, it's so frustrating. But I crack myself up because I actually do hum that song from the movie that the little mice sing: "Cinderelly cinderelly night and day its cinderelly..." You know which one I'm talking about?

Hahaha :) I'm laughing right now just typing this. OBVIOUSLY it's not like that but I love to exaggerate.

16) Lastly, there's a scene in Sex and the City when Charlotte and Trey are trying to conceive and have just gotten back from a dinner at their friends' house. Their friends have three kids and the meal was generally a disaster: food being thrown, tantrums, screaming, parents bickering over the children's behavior, just totally uncivilized. The pandemonium and utter chaos have Charlotte and Trey in a quiet mood when they get home, like, "Oh boy, is this what we are in for if we have children?" They ponder this and Carrie's voice narrates: "But then Trey told Charlotte something that all parents-to-be have to tell themselves: Our kids will be different." Oh, everyone thinks theirs will be: that their baby's cry won't be as piercing, that their baby will nap and sleep perfectly and will never have avocado under its fingernails or a dirty belly button. Their kid won't destroy the walls, throw food or terrorize the dog...well, you've heard it from me: no kid is ever different. Ever. ever. I admit, even I was guilty of assuming mine would be. But if kids were perfect and made no impact whatsoever on your life, what fun would that be?

p.s. Tate's food bowl met its end a few days ago. Let's just say it didn't survive the beating. R.I.P.