I didn't think it could happen but it has. We are experiencing market saturation with Pete the elf and he is losing his effect.
On Monday afternoon, I let the boys play in my room with their Legos while I got ready for Jason's employee holiday party. They scattered the pieces everywhere, I mean threw them all over the place. Because I was desperate for 5 minutes to do my hair, I allowed it but repeatedly warned them that pretty soon it was going to be time to clean up.
When that time came, I said, "Ok! Let's pick all this up! Get the bucket, start scooping..." Ashton hemmed and hawed and let's just say, over the course of 15 minutes, I asked him multiple times. Then I started to threaten.
"If you don't pick up your Legos, ________________". Blank was anywhere from "I won't put a show on" to "no snack" to "you won't be able to play Legos anymore" to "I'll tell Pete" and eventually "I'LL TELL SANTA MYSELF!"
Nothing. Not even an attempt. I dropped Pete's name like ten times too. I started to help Alex because he was really trying (we're talking a thousand pieces here) and Ashton just sat and stared. After another several minutes, I finally started to yell and sent him to his room. I stomped downstairs and loudly said "PETE! Wait until I tell you what just happened!" and then grabbed his little elf body, shoved him in the cabinet out of sight and went back upstairs. I flung open Ashton's door, more upset than he was, and said "Well! I hope you're happy! Pete just left and I'm not even sure if he's going to come back!"
At that point Ashton started to cry. YES, finally! I was getting through! [I mean, not that I LIKE when my kid cries! But the balance of power was so clearly off track in this situation that something needed to give!] I left Ashton in his room and when Alex and I had about three pieces left, Ashton poked his head in, wiped his tears and said he was ready to help. I said that would be great, thank you, and life was back in harmony.
But then a curious thing happened. Jen arrived, and I casually whispered to her to ask Ashton where Pete had gone. She did, and Ashton made up a story that was completely not what had happened, a story that of course placed no blame on him whatsoever. And then a little later on, her boyfriend Mike asked the same thing, and Ashton said it was because of Alex!
You can probably guess: Pete did not come back the next day, which was yesterday. I told the boys Pete was very upset by what had happened and Santa probably hadn't decided what to do about it yet.
I did also tell Jason to ask Ashton what had happened to Pete, because Jason was at work when this all had gone down. Ashton's answer was "Oh, Daddy! I don't remember."
&#(!@#$%^&**@%&!!!
So there we were, Pete was gone and Ashton seemed unfazed, despite my repeated overdramatic reminders that the Christmas situation was now dire. Truly jeopardized! Like coal-in-your-stocking, no-presents-at all danger. All I wanted him to do was admit that Pete was gone because he didn't pick up his Legos. But even when I pressed him, he would not. *#&$(&%~!
I know defeat when I see it and this was definitely that. Pete came back out after the boys went to bed. Sigh.
But then...this morning the boys came running in to our room when they woke up, asking if Pete had returned. I said I wasn't sure. I told them Santa had called me last night (at which point Ashton's eyes went as wide as dinner plates) and Santa said he was very upset that Ashton had not helped to pick up his Legos. I said, "Ashton, Jen, Mike and Daddy might not know the real reason Pete left, but Santa does." Ashton looked down at his hands and said, "I know Mommy. It was because of me." And then, very resolutely, "It will not happen again. Santa really called? Yes he must know. I'm sorry."
Sometimes you gotta bring in the big guns. My next strategy was to actually have my boss call him and pretend to be Santa, but at the moment there is no need (still 4 days to go though- keeping that in my back pocket). For now, Christmas is back on!
21 December 2016
16 December 2016
The finest fir in all the land
Let me tell you the story about the swashbuckling good times we have had this year as they relate to our tree.
First we went to Home Depot to find it. It was Monday night last week and they had about 4 little guys laying around helplessly. It was clear our tree was not going to be there so we left pretty fast and headed over to Tilly's, a local farm stand type joint where a lot of people get their tree around here. It was such a cute spot, and we picked out a huge one! Look at this puppy! It was a 10 footer and this is Jason realizing we waaay overestimated our ceiling height.
So we had to cut it. We laid it out on the coffee table and out came the tools.
Alex's saw really made a difference, as you'll see in this video. I mean, thank goodness for the safety helmet.
How many Nills does it take to set the trunk?
All Ashton and Alex knew was that Daddy was underneath there doing something and they felt compelled to "help". That happens a lot.
We got the tree all situated and the next night we went to put the lights on and...half of them were out. So Jason went out to Lowes and we decided to upgrade to LEDs. My friends, I hated these lights. They were like, so ugly. Look, my phone couldn't even register them to take a picture.
But I didn't say anything and we got all our ornaments on and I just stole Jason's phone to document :D
I mean it wasn't perfect.
A little beach trip gone bad. Poor bear.
In fact we have another smaller tree in the front (just with plastic balls on it) that I let the boys decorate 100% themselves. The ornaments are all globbed together but I have not moved a single one from where they placed it.
In the middle of the night, we frequently hear balls falling off and bouncing across the floor lol. The boys, they aren't the most secure ornament hangers the world has ever seen.
Back to the other tree. You can guess what happened. I couldn't hold it in and eventually blurted out that I thought our tree was ugly. To my surprise, Jason agreed! You're going to think we're crazy but...we took all the ornaments off, changed the lights, and put all the ornaments back on ha!
So much better. The light is a lot warmer and it just looks better. If you're going to do a tree, do it right. Speaking of, how do you know if you got the right tree to begin with? It can be intimidating walking on to a big lot with all kinds of sizes and shapes. We interviewed one tree and it went like this.
Me: First of all, you realize you cost 25% more than your Home Depot counterparts.
Christmas Tree: Well, I have 25% more body. Do you like it scrawny or do you like it brawny? Ask yourself.
Me: Where are you from?
CT: Page 11 in the Polar Express.
Me: So you're not afraid of the dark? What about the lean wolves on the previous page?
CT: I just stay really still and they don't bother me.
Me: How many ornaments do you think you can hold?
CT: I bench at least 160.
Me: Angel or star?
CT: Star.
Me: WRONG! The answer is neither. You get a Santa hat.
CT: You are sooo tricky.
Me: I know.
Me: Describe your thoughts on being hog tied and roped to the top of a car.
CT: A nice warm up to having my undercarriage clipped and then being squeezed to death by dozens of strands of lights.
Me: Does it bug you that you were 10'3 and we cut you down to 9'1?
CT: No but I will now ooze extra sap and drop a bunch of pine needles just as you have finished vacuuming. Heh heh heh.
Me: If you could be anything besides an evergreen, what would you be?
CT: A lean wolf.
Me: What do you say to the reports that claim you are infested with 25,000 bugs?
CT: Google "how much bacteria is on a human body" and get back to me.
Me: What will you do when you see Santa?
CT: Probably just stand there.
Me: Do you know that people have been decorating trees for Christmas for hundreds of years? It seems kind of a silly thing to do, doesn't it?
CT: So does ear piercing.
Me: What do you get when you cross a Christmas tree with an apple?
CT:
Me: A pineapple!
CT:
Me: Ok last question. Where are you going after this?
CT: You tell me.
Overall this tree was not hired. Sarcasm and condescension are not attractive qualities when it comes to balsam firs. Luckily the next one was a delight, talking about her hopes and dreams for Rockefeller Center and her love of being dressed to the nines. She is in the corner this very minute twinkling away. Not *really* twinkling, I don't do flashing lights, but you know what I mean :)
First we went to Home Depot to find it. It was Monday night last week and they had about 4 little guys laying around helplessly. It was clear our tree was not going to be there so we left pretty fast and headed over to Tilly's, a local farm stand type joint where a lot of people get their tree around here. It was such a cute spot, and we picked out a huge one! Look at this puppy! It was a 10 footer and this is Jason realizing we waaay overestimated our ceiling height.
So we had to cut it. We laid it out on the coffee table and out came the tools.
How many Nills does it take to set the trunk?
All Ashton and Alex knew was that Daddy was underneath there doing something and they felt compelled to "help". That happens a lot.
We got the tree all situated and the next night we went to put the lights on and...half of them were out. So Jason went out to Lowes and we decided to upgrade to LEDs. My friends, I hated these lights. They were like, so ugly. Look, my phone couldn't even register them to take a picture.
I mean it wasn't perfect.
A little beach trip gone bad. Poor bear.
In fact we have another smaller tree in the front (just with plastic balls on it) that I let the boys decorate 100% themselves. The ornaments are all globbed together but I have not moved a single one from where they placed it.
In the middle of the night, we frequently hear balls falling off and bouncing across the floor lol. The boys, they aren't the most secure ornament hangers the world has ever seen.
Back to the other tree. You can guess what happened. I couldn't hold it in and eventually blurted out that I thought our tree was ugly. To my surprise, Jason agreed! You're going to think we're crazy but...we took all the ornaments off, changed the lights, and put all the ornaments back on ha!
So much better. The light is a lot warmer and it just looks better. If you're going to do a tree, do it right. Speaking of, how do you know if you got the right tree to begin with? It can be intimidating walking on to a big lot with all kinds of sizes and shapes. We interviewed one tree and it went like this.
Me: First of all, you realize you cost 25% more than your Home Depot counterparts.
Christmas Tree: Well, I have 25% more body. Do you like it scrawny or do you like it brawny? Ask yourself.
Me: Where are you from?
CT: Page 11 in the Polar Express.
Me: So you're not afraid of the dark? What about the lean wolves on the previous page?
CT: I just stay really still and they don't bother me.
Me: How many ornaments do you think you can hold?
CT: I bench at least 160.
Me: Angel or star?
CT: Star.
Me: WRONG! The answer is neither. You get a Santa hat.
CT: You are sooo tricky.
Me: I know.
Me: Describe your thoughts on being hog tied and roped to the top of a car.
CT: A nice warm up to having my undercarriage clipped and then being squeezed to death by dozens of strands of lights.
Me: Does it bug you that you were 10'3 and we cut you down to 9'1?
CT: No but I will now ooze extra sap and drop a bunch of pine needles just as you have finished vacuuming. Heh heh heh.
Me: If you could be anything besides an evergreen, what would you be?
CT: A lean wolf.
Me: What do you say to the reports that claim you are infested with 25,000 bugs?
CT: Google "how much bacteria is on a human body" and get back to me.
Me: What will you do when you see Santa?
CT: Probably just stand there.
Me: Do you know that people have been decorating trees for Christmas for hundreds of years? It seems kind of a silly thing to do, doesn't it?
CT: So does ear piercing.
Me: What do you get when you cross a Christmas tree with an apple?
CT:
Me: A pineapple!
CT:
Me: Ok last question. Where are you going after this?
CT: You tell me.
Overall this tree was not hired. Sarcasm and condescension are not attractive qualities when it comes to balsam firs. Luckily the next one was a delight, talking about her hopes and dreams for Rockefeller Center and her love of being dressed to the nines. She is in the corner this very minute twinkling away. Not *really* twinkling, I don't do flashing lights, but you know what I mean :)
13 December 2016
We clean up nice
This is just a quick post so I can look back when I'm 80 and remember that at one point, Jason and I still had it ;) We got all dressed up for the Brae Burn gala last weekend and I think we turned out pretty good!
Rewind to a month ago and I said, "If you want me to go to this, it's realllllly gonna cost ya! I'm talking hair, nails, dress, dress alterations, jewelry, MAYBE new shoes, and also Jen for 8 hours..."
And so it was. Hair (low side bun thing, horrible picture attempt):
Nails (gold, to match my shoes, naturally)
Dress (I barely let the boys touch me, see the broom there on the side? I was ready to use it.):
Ashton said "I hope you don't get any mess on your dress Mommy!" while Alex gawked at me wondering where his mom went.
Yes, we were very fancy for a night. I thought I had achieved the impossible in getting out of the house in one piece, until I got to Brae Burn and these acrobats were hanging in the staircase!
Three flights up. You can't even do it justice with pictures! The party had a cirque de soleil theme, hence the acrobats ;) The night was full of things I definitely don't do every day and there's nothing like a fun holiday party to get you in the spirit of things.
And now back to your regularly scheduled program.
07 December 2016
Off to the races
IT HAS BEGUN. Pete the elf has arrived safely from the North Pole, our tree is up, our mantel is decorated, outside lights are strung, the holiday crafts and activities are in full swing and Amazon boxes are arriving by the truckload. Welcome to December!!
Technically we kicked it all off November 30. Kayleigh and Ariane came over and we decorated gingerbread houses.
We left them on the table that night where Pete could see them.
Let's talk about Pete the elf. He is a huge presence in our house and I would be lying if I said I was not ridiculously excited for his arrival. A lot of parents are like "oh we don't like to hold good or bad behavior over our kids' heads at Christmas, just make it be a fun thing" blah blah blah well screw that!! Most of the time the boys don't listen to what I say or do what I ask. But with Pete around? Stark raving obedience, that's what.
"Better pick up your Legos." OK MOMMY!
"Please come wash your hands before dinner." OK MOMMY!
"Can you get ready for tubby?" OK MOMMY!
"Let's get your shoes on." OK MOMMY!
I don't even have to add "Pete is watching" anymore! And it's not limited to my requests. The other day the boys started to argue and wrestle over something and Ashton instantly stopped, sheepishly looked up to where Pete was perched and said "NO Ow-wex (Alex), we can't do this right now!"
I love Pete. For the month of December, I deserve this glorious gift of Santa's scout elf. He arrives on December 1 and this year he brought a Lego advent calendar (thanks Papa and GG!) and a christmas book. See him there on the left? In the light?
Here is the video of the morning of December 1 of the boys discovering him (if you care, lol). The night before, they knew Pete would be coming and while Ashton was out of his mind with the thrill of it all, Alex was scared stiff. I mean, almost crying. He kept saying "I don't like Pete" "I don't want him to come in my room" etc etc. He clearly dealt with his feelings the next morning by calling him "poopyhead" or some variation of it. They are friends now.
This is the letter Pete left.
It launched a full on obsession and Jen told me the next day that she actually made Ashton take a break from talking about him.
If you'll recall, Pete goes up to report to Santa every night and each morning is resting in a new spot. He periodically brings back a gift or a craft. (Last night in an attempt to get the kids in bed, I said "Maybe if Pete likes our tree enough he will bring back something special from Santa! Let's go to sleep so Pete can leave for the North Pole!" They settled down well enough and while we did remember to move Pete, I did not leave out the holiday pajamas as I intended to. This morning Ashton bounded downstairs, located Pete but looked around and said, in the most forlorn voice, "I don't see anything. I guess Pete didn't like our tree." My heart very nearly broke. I'll have to save the day with a note tomorrow.)
So that's the tour de force that is Pete. Between all his drama and excitement we went to the Home Depot Kids Workshop and made an ugly "candy dish" where the main instruction was simply to get paint everywhere.
I even had paint under my chin by the time we were done. Thanks Home Depot!
Next up...all about our Christmas tree. We have an intense selection process and I'll be sharing all of our interview questions, physical requirements and performance capabilities that a fir must meet to stand tall in our house. Oh yes, it's that serious!!
Technically we kicked it all off November 30. Kayleigh and Ariane came over and we decorated gingerbread houses.
We left them on the table that night where Pete could see them.
Let's talk about Pete the elf. He is a huge presence in our house and I would be lying if I said I was not ridiculously excited for his arrival. A lot of parents are like "oh we don't like to hold good or bad behavior over our kids' heads at Christmas, just make it be a fun thing" blah blah blah well screw that!! Most of the time the boys don't listen to what I say or do what I ask. But with Pete around? Stark raving obedience, that's what.
"Better pick up your Legos." OK MOMMY!
"Please come wash your hands before dinner." OK MOMMY!
"Can you get ready for tubby?" OK MOMMY!
"Let's get your shoes on." OK MOMMY!
I don't even have to add "Pete is watching" anymore! And it's not limited to my requests. The other day the boys started to argue and wrestle over something and Ashton instantly stopped, sheepishly looked up to where Pete was perched and said "NO Ow-wex (Alex), we can't do this right now!"
I love Pete. For the month of December, I deserve this glorious gift of Santa's scout elf. He arrives on December 1 and this year he brought a Lego advent calendar (thanks Papa and GG!) and a christmas book. See him there on the left? In the light?
Here is the video of the morning of December 1 of the boys discovering him (if you care, lol). The night before, they knew Pete would be coming and while Ashton was out of his mind with the thrill of it all, Alex was scared stiff. I mean, almost crying. He kept saying "I don't like Pete" "I don't want him to come in my room" etc etc. He clearly dealt with his feelings the next morning by calling him "poopyhead" or some variation of it. They are friends now.
This is the letter Pete left.
It launched a full on obsession and Jen told me the next day that she actually made Ashton take a break from talking about him.
If you'll recall, Pete goes up to report to Santa every night and each morning is resting in a new spot. He periodically brings back a gift or a craft. (Last night in an attempt to get the kids in bed, I said "Maybe if Pete likes our tree enough he will bring back something special from Santa! Let's go to sleep so Pete can leave for the North Pole!" They settled down well enough and while we did remember to move Pete, I did not leave out the holiday pajamas as I intended to. This morning Ashton bounded downstairs, located Pete but looked around and said, in the most forlorn voice, "I don't see anything. I guess Pete didn't like our tree." My heart very nearly broke. I'll have to save the day with a note tomorrow.)
So that's the tour de force that is Pete. Between all his drama and excitement we went to the Home Depot Kids Workshop and made an ugly "candy dish" where the main instruction was simply to get paint everywhere.
I even had paint under my chin by the time we were done. Thanks Home Depot!
Next up...all about our Christmas tree. We have an intense selection process and I'll be sharing all of our interview questions, physical requirements and performance capabilities that a fir must meet to stand tall in our house. Oh yes, it's that serious!!
02 December 2016
Thanksgiving!
We had THE most wonderful Thanksgiving weekend! We truly did. It was a bit wild at times, specifically when I was casually peeling beets and chatting with Karen in the middle of Jason's kitchen tornado. If you've ever hosted Thanksgiving, you know those last 15 minutes are a flurry: things are coming out of every direction to converge on the buffet, the oven and fridge open and close a thousand times, serving dishes need utensils, the sink piles up with dishes and pots and scraps, everyone needs more wine...and if you know Jason, he does this for a living, so an innocent beet-peeler such as myself, who doesn't "appreciate" the urgency involved with 15 minutes until service, will get the boot. Literally.
Besides THAT, it all went incredibly smoothly food-wise. Our turkey was gobbling pretty much right up until we got him (her? Oh gosh! We'll never know, will we? Bet you have never thought about that!). It was a 28 pound, free range, organic, all-the-credentials kind of bird. Jason brined it on Tuesday...
EQUALLY as important as the turkey was my tablescape in my opinion. As you know we just finished our dining area so this was our first meal around it. We had 9 grownups total: Me, Jason, Grandma, Grandpa, Aunt Lizzie, Uncle Chris, Aunt Karen*, Uncle Berg* and Uncle Bob*.
(*honorary)
There were also 4 kids so it was definitely busy! I didn't get any group shots but the "before" table looked like this!
I love me some faux decorative gourds with sparkles on them:)
Besides the turkey and gravy, we of course had the best mashed potatoes anyone has ever had (THEY HAD CREAM CHEESE IN THEM), Ina's apple/herb/sausage stuffing (I always make that), Bobby Flay's chipotle sweet potatoes (also unbelievable), Karen brought a green bean casserole and we also made roasted brussels sprouts with pancetta, a butternut squash bread pudding, and I did the beets in our crockpot! I tossed them with an orange zest/juice/thyme sauce after they came out and I have to say, they were awesome. Beets-in-the-slow-cooker FOREVER! See foreground:
They were like shining jewels. I love beets :D
Here are a few random shots from the day. Still waiting for Grandma to upload her pictures so I can steal some. I didn't get that many :-/
Oh, and this is me, about 9:30 pm.
I was tiiiii-ERD! I missed the whole game of Cards Against Humanity. Probably lucky for them I was asleep because I would have won.
If Grandma has a group photo I will update this post with it - we had a wonderful fabulous lovely time. I would not have changed a thing.
So that's a wrap on Thanksgiving. Christmas of course is in full swing and Ashton literally hops around the house with excitement. Pete the Elf! Advent calendars! Gingerbread houses! Toy catalogs! It's only December 2, stick with me, there is a LOT to cover this month!!
Besides THAT, it all went incredibly smoothly food-wise. Our turkey was gobbling pretty much right up until we got him (her? Oh gosh! We'll never know, will we? Bet you have never thought about that!). It was a 28 pound, free range, organic, all-the-credentials kind of bird. Jason brined it on Tuesday...
Thursday morning, it went into the bag with some champagne (no one likes a thirsty turkey)
It was perfect!
EQUALLY as important as the turkey was my tablescape in my opinion. As you know we just finished our dining area so this was our first meal around it. We had 9 grownups total: Me, Jason, Grandma, Grandpa, Aunt Lizzie, Uncle Chris, Aunt Karen*, Uncle Berg* and Uncle Bob*.
(*honorary)
There were also 4 kids so it was definitely busy! I didn't get any group shots but the "before" table looked like this!
Besides the turkey and gravy, we of course had the best mashed potatoes anyone has ever had (THEY HAD CREAM CHEESE IN THEM), Ina's apple/herb/sausage stuffing (I always make that), Bobby Flay's chipotle sweet potatoes (also unbelievable), Karen brought a green bean casserole and we also made roasted brussels sprouts with pancetta, a butternut squash bread pudding, and I did the beets in our crockpot! I tossed them with an orange zest/juice/thyme sauce after they came out and I have to say, they were awesome. Beets-in-the-slow-cooker FOREVER! See foreground:
They were like shining jewels. I love beets :D
Here are a few random shots from the day. Still waiting for Grandma to upload her pictures so I can steal some. I didn't get that many :-/
Oh, and this is me, about 9:30 pm.
I was tiiiii-ERD! I missed the whole game of Cards Against Humanity. Probably lucky for them I was asleep because I would have won.
If Grandma has a group photo I will update this post with it - we had a wonderful fabulous lovely time. I would not have changed a thing.
So that's a wrap on Thanksgiving. Christmas of course is in full swing and Ashton literally hops around the house with excitement. Pete the Elf! Advent calendars! Gingerbread houses! Toy catalogs! It's only December 2, stick with me, there is a LOT to cover this month!!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)