You might be Ashton if...

There is no doubt about it: Ashton is only a few feet tall, but he fills the house with his personality. Some of the recent happenings are so ridiculous I have to get them in writing. But before continuing, please watch this video. It's like, a prerequisite for this post.


(link for email readers)

In this video, you'll see that Jason did a totally terrible job of fake-eating Ashton's beloved Hexbug Nano. You'll also see the visual definition of one of Ashton's freakouts; it's important you know what I'm dealing with here and that you know he will carry on for several minutes whilst plastered to the floor. And it happens anywhere, like the other day outside the playground.

I can't remember what set him off on that one. I was too busy trying not to laugh while I was taking his picture.

The point is that we all get upset sometimes and for a wide range of reasons. But you might be Ashton if the following things have made you cry or make you want to.

1) Your back seat, passenger-side window does not have its own wiper.
2) You did not receive proper medical treatment for your ankle (and by ankle you meant your wrist, but did not tell me that). Due to complete lack of any visible wound, you received just one BandAid. You needed two.
3) You are "out of power". This means you are having a hard time moving due to being tired.
4) The sticker is too sticky.
5) The sticker is not sticky enough.
6) You didn't get to see what was in Alex's diaper.
7) There's jam on your toast.
8) Someone is sitting where you want to sit.
9) A package came in the mail that is not addressed to you.
10) The fact that Wednesday does not come after Friday.
11) You really, really, really don't want a mermaid to come into your room.

12) Dinner is ready.
13) You have closely examined your bowl of multi-grain cheerios and there are no "red ones" in it. Now, this one really got me. I poured him some, put the box on the counter, and went about my business. He kept whining and complaining and needling me that there were no "red ones" in his bowl and he really wanted the "red ones". Extremely exasperated, I finally said "What are you talking about?" and he pointed to the box.

Of course, he was already crying by the time I was halfway through the explanation that he knew those weren't cheerios, they were raspberries, they didn't actually come in the box with the cheerios and haven't you ever heard of a "serving suggestion" and Mommy doesn't HAVE any raspberries and even if I did I would not give you any because you are eating in the living room and I don't want you to stain the couch!

Man.

In case you still have doubts, you might also be Ashton if...

You rush to the potty to pee, but you can't get your pants down in time because your pockets are stuffed with matchbox cars, so you have an accident.

You think bras are to keep boobs from falling off.

Cows give you nightmares.

You are public about your bodily functions and also very descriptive. "I just pooped one long one and two short ones!" "That one was spiky!" etc etc. Also, baths are especially fun because of "water toots".

Put your hands over your eyes. Bam! You're hiding.

You say weird things out of nowhere like "Hey Mommy! Guess what time it is. It's silly o'clock!" and "Hey Mommy! Stop beating the chickens." [and then maniacally laugh]

All your sentences start with "Hey Mommy!"

You examine your body for instant, measurable growth after eating one bite of one vegetable.

You believe flowers have honey in them and that mommies can't do everything. Only daddies can. (womp womp)

Old McDonald's is where you get your happy meals.

Your favorite day is Monday, because that's when Daddy is home and he builds you race tracks like this :)

No need to go on, I should think. Chances are you've concluded that no, you are not Ashton: emotional mindfield, lover AND hater of Alex, chatterbox, Mr. Everything-just-so, provider of nearly all my blog material. Can't wait to see what he does next...actually, I definitely can ;)